No. 91: Charity events in Las Vegas are a bit different…

I attended two water charity events last week. The first (see Note 90) was in the UK for Thames Water. The second was in Las Vegas last night. ‘Unique’ is probably the best word to describe it.

By the time I had got through customs it was already 8pm local time (3am body time). The ‘One Night, One Drop’ event that I was attending had begun at 5pm with an auction which, with hindsight, I am supremely glad I missed. Apparently people were spending big (buying 3 nights on a Hawaiian island for $100k, or a bracelet for $50k). That is just outside my budget.

I arrived at the Bellagio at 830pm, having only just missed the beginning of the main event; a Cirque du Soleil show in true Las Vegas style. It was 2 hours of human beings do stuff that no human being should be able to do (most of it on trapezes, trampolines, ropes, with fire, etc.).

Whilst this was all good fun, it was the VIP After Party by the pool where things really kicked off. I have never been to an event like it. The rich and beautiful of the world were gathered to be…well, rich and beautiful, but everyone was having fun and raising money for charity. The dwarf and pregnant lady, both dressed in bondage gear, locked in a cage by the pool was a bit of a surprise. As were the naked ladies with clothing (lingerie actually) painted on them.  That was nothing compared to the fat transvestite on a plastic elephant.

There were celebrities galore (Jane Seymore, looking absolutely stunning at 60+) and when all the Cirque du Soleil artists joined at midnight the intensity of dancing soared to new heights. You couldn’t help but be whisked along with it. John Legend sang a couple of songs, and then there were the winners of France’s Got Talent (a truly bizarre burlesque James Bond). For me the highlight was when the Plain White Ts got onto the floating stage and bellowed out their hits. The whole hotel throbbed as we all sang ‘Hey there Delilah, what’s it like in New York City…’ at the top of our voices. I even got to chat briefly with the lead singer as he circled the party later. They are officially my new favourite band.  

The party finally came to an end at 2am. By then my body was telling me it was 9am Sat morning so bed seemed a bad idea. Thierry Noel, my good friend from Amane Advisory, was also at the event and was similarly jet lagged so we decided to explore the casinos. We were both Las Vegas Casino Virgins and this became fairly obvious as the night progressed. He rapidly lost $20 on the slot machine, whereas I made $40 just as quickly and with just as little skill. It’s a ridiculous game. We then spent an hour on the black jack table. I wont share how I did, suffice to say that it was ugly. You know it is bad when the Dealer keeps asking you (in an increasingly patronising tone) if you really want to place that particular bet. Thierry came away a lot richer than he was when he sat down.

We watched people playing Craps for a long time but it was beyond our befuddled brains. Bed finally beckoned at 4am. As I checked in at the Venetian the lady told me to ‘be careful with the minibar’ as it charges by weight. If you lift a bottle then you have to take it. Only in Las Vegas.  

The whole thing was, quite clearly, completely bonkers, but $6m was raised. That’s quite an achievement for one night. I just  can’t quite see it happening anywhere else in the world.