Having been the Commercial Director for Thames Water I like
to think I know how to negotiate. I believe I am pretty good at bringing
conflicting parties together around a common goal. After all, a good negotiation
is one where both sides give a little, where compromise triumphs, where that
elusive win-win is secured.
Apparently not always.
Yesterday we reached a fairly crucial stage in a negotiation
over the multi-tens-of-millions $ deal that has sucked up much of my life for
the past 3 months. So important was this deal that we flew in our lead
negotiator. Rather than share the precise details I will use a fictional example
(but perhaps not as wildly fictional as you might think).
As part of the negotiation we wanted the other side to do
something, namely to sing the National Anthem whilst sucking on 5 gobstoppers.
In my make-believe fantasy world this is a common requirement in many private
equity deals since it serves to both humiliate and amuse, whilst providing a
nice bit of nationalistic dignity. Not surprisingly, the ‘other side’ came to
the negotiation with a raft of good reasons as to why they thought this was an
unreasonable request. They proposed a compromise: they would sing the
National Anthem, but with only three gobstoppers. They
outlined their reasons. We then countered, explaining why 5 gobstoppers was
important to us. They then counter-countered reiterating their 3 gobstopper
argument.
At this stage in a normal negotiation the next step is
obvious: we would settle on the compromise of 4 gobstoppers.
That was not how it played out yesterday. To my surprise our
counter-counter-countering was to raise the stakes and propose that they sang
with seven gobstoppers. For a brief moment I thought I was
in a scene from a Hollywood movie (think ‘Wall Street’!). The tactic took the
other side as much by surprise as it did me and they have gone away to think
about their next move.
I thought I knew how to negotiate. I know nothing. I am a
Padawan.
Finally, for those of you who read my last Note please find
the link to a 90 second clip of me being tormented by a scary Turkish man with
knives. I had forgotten they had made me where a big wig as well. What little
dignity I had left me that night: https://www.dropbox.com/sc/ibllwvozjbwguqr/AAAnkCRCmoUTQWpiPOrDwi-Da
(CP, this one is
for you ;)
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