No 112: Goodbye Blackstone...

Today is my last official day at Blackstone/GWDP. I have been here less than a year but there are still things I will miss:

The Shard: The view from my office may not be brilliant (it is of Guys Hospital) but the security guard who looks (and sounds) suspiciously like Morgan Freeman was a daily highlight.  Furthermore, as anyone who has visited me at the Shard can attest, the ladies on reception are fantastically beautiful. They are also extremely competent and exude charm and efficiency. The fact that they look identical to the backing singers on Robert Plant’s ‘Addicted to Love’ video from the 1985 was simply a plus.

                                                              

The cycle into work: with all the accompanying joys of London drivers, and lycra chaffing. I hope my audience in the hospital,  who have watched me change into/out of my cycling gear, will also miss me.

My colleagues, with whom I celebrated my 45^th birthday with copious champagne at 10am last November (see Note 50). We have been through a huge amount in a very short time and I wish them the very best.

Going forward I will no longer juggle between my two roles, as MD for GWDP and as Chairman for Isle. Instead I will be just pure Isle. Or should that be puerile?  

No change from previously then.  

No 111: The most powerful man in the world. One day. Possibly.

Today I met the Governor of Nevada, Governor Brian Sandoval. He is in London (with his entourage) as part of a Trade Mission to Europe. Today the focus was on ‘launching’ the new Nevada-based Centre of Excellence for Water, which is a terrific initiative between the municipal utilities in Nevada, the state government and the Desert Research Institute. If you are an entrepreneur or researcher in the water sector and you want to operate in the US market then the Nevada CoE should be on your list of contacts.  

Prior to meeting with the Governor I did some homework. This is always useful when meeting politicians, not least as it helps avoid putting ones foot completely in ones’ mouth. I spoke to various people. The feedback included ‘He is a Republican who thinks like a Democrat, which is just what America needs right now’, which sounded very promising and was significantly more useful than the rather trite ‘He is a true man of the people’ . The stand out comment however was the very bold and very confident statement from a senior representative within a US water authority that ‘Governor Sandoval will be the President within the next 10 years’. I was greatly looking forward to meeting with him.

I had been given a 30 minute slot in his busy schedule for a face-to-face meeting to discuss water technology and the challenges entrepreneurs face. The secret with these one-off meetings is to make sure you are remembered. With this in mind I toyed with adopting a Bert-from-Mary-Poppins approach (‘Eh-up guvnor, how’s it all gowin?’) vs a Frank Underwood from Netflix’s House of Cards (‘Why Governor, that is a marvellous idea, be sure to pass on my regards to Mr President’ ). In the end I decided to just be me.

As we walked into the room he mentioned that yesterday he had visited the Churchill War Rooms and that they had been fantastic. I said that if he thought these were good then he really should visit tunnels under Dover Castle as this is where Allies were based before the D-Day landings at the end of World War 2. His response was so enthusiastic that I subsequently got on the phone and pulled in a few favours. As I type, the Governor is hopefully enjoying a special tour deep within the White Cliffs of Dover, viewing the underground hospital and WW2 operations rooms, all given by the Head of Operations at Dover Castle.

Having discussed the tourist delights of the UK we quickly moved on to the challenges of innovation within the water sector. He was exceptionally engaged (and engaging). His primary objective, quite rightly, is to generate trade and commerce for Nevada, but his collaborative and attentive approach was utterly disarming. I found myself drifting between stories about quagga mussels and non-revenue water, telling anecdotes and generally blathering on in a manner for which I have a tendency. He kindly stayed awake and attentive throughout, and we finished our meeting with enthusiastic promises to generally make the world a better place. I suspect he has more ability to follow through on this than I do.

If Governor Sandoval does go the distance and, one day, sits in the Oval Office then maybe, just maybe, some of the water issues he has heard about will come back into his mind. Having a senior politician who understands the importance of water, the challenges the sector is facing and the dire need to facilitate better routes for innovation and entrepreneurship is a very exciting prospect.

Let’s hope he makes it out of the tunnels under Dover Castle safely….

Note 110: Last Friday night I negotiated (badly) with an Ewok.

A few weeks ago I bid for two tickets to something called ‘Secret Cinema’ at a charity event. A quick internet search revealed that Secret Cinema is an annual event, held in a secret location (only revealed 48 hours before the actual event) where a popular film is played on a massive screen accompanied by real life props from the film, and real-life actors playing out particular scenes. Last year the film was Back to the Future and from the YouTube clips it looked enormous fun.

I decided this was something Mrs Clark and I should do together, not least because the last time we went out it was to see an amateur dramatic musical production of Dr Jekyll & Mr Hyde. My wife found it particularly tiresome. I of course loved it, but then I am a fan of musical theatre (I am a boy I am a boy I am a boy). Secret Cinema was my opportunity to salvage some dating credibility. All I knew was that the film was ‘The Empire Strikes Back’, the second Star Wars movie (or the fifth depending on how much of a purist you are over these things). What could possibly go wrong? 48 hours before the event I got my ‘secret email’ telling me about the event in more detail. This revealed the location (a warehouse in south London) and that a significant commitment to role-play was required. The audience are the Rebel Alliance, gathering to overcome the Empire and we must come prepared. We should arrive dressed in character.

After 23 years of marriage I instinctively knew that this was not going to be something Mrs Clark was going to enjoy. I was heading towards a second consecutive dating strike-out. On the plus side, the Dr J/Mr H experience would, by comparison, no longer be a dating low-point. On the downside, I might not be married by the weekend. It was quickly decided that I would attend with my 19 year old son. Our costume description clearly stipulated that we should have ‘seeds and precious stones for trading’. In a move I later came to regret, we didn’t comply with this simple command.

As always I was running late so didn’t have time to don any sort of costume (I honestly had intended to try, but time just melted away). As we got nearer to the secret location it became obvious just how many people were attending the event. The train had a more-than-usual Friday night share of Jedi masters and weird alien monsters. Having arrived at the destination we were corralled by skilled actors, who worked hard to establish the make-believe world of George Lucas. There is however only so much fun one can have running from A to B, covering your face to ‘avoid detection’ and generally pretending to be a Rebel. An hour was enough for me.

Just as I was beginning to think I had reached my capacity for this sort of fun we finally made it into a big area that had been laid out just like a market scene on the fictional planet Tatouine. There was sand on the floor, a lively hubbub of activity, and even an authentic Cantina Bar with all sorts of weird creatures performing an other-worldly jazz. There were food stalls and trading stands, and scenes being acted out from the first (fourth) Star Wars film (‘These are not the droids you are looking for’). It really did look/smell/feel like you were on Tatouine.

Amid all this there were a couple of thousand people, all dressed as characters from the film. It was impossible to tell the actors from the attendees. As one of the few people not in character I stood out like a sore thumb. The real challenge however was when I discovered we couldn’t get into the main theatre until we had acquired some ‘illegal spices’. This involved us trading the precious stones/seeds that I had not brought with one of the Rebel Alliance actors, without being seen by the Storm Trooper actors. It was while doing this that I found myself having a frustrating and ultimately unsatisfactory conversation with an Ewok as I tried to trade a bottle opener (taken from my car key-ring) for his spices. He wasn’t having any of it and I found myself longing for a grown-up to talk to.

Fortunately after a bit of blagging we finally managed to get some spices and made our way through to yet another part of the warehouse where, in an increasing frenzy of activity, key scenes from the first (fourth) film were re-enacted, such as the battle between O-B-wan and Darth Vader, the destruction of the Death Star and the final award ceremony. These were all acted out in front of a baying and frenzied crowd. Finally we were shown through to an area where the main film was played, again with key scenes acted out in parallel to the film on the screen. Like a good pantomime audience the crowd howled when Leia kissed Luke, booed at Darth Vader, and cheered at Han. And, of course, everyone shouted ‘I am your father’ at just the right time.

It was a bizarre night out. The real world bumped rudely back into focus as we boarded the train home. It was a great experience. Best of all, I am still married. 

No 109: A pub quiz, a golden coffee pot, and an alternative to gambling

A Pub Quiz: This time last week I attended the (rather excellent) inaugural SludgeTech event in Guildford, UK. 90 people attended the evening dinner and Nick Mills, the man from Thames Water for whom the event was his brainchild, decided to hold a pub quiz between courses. It was filled with impossible, quirky, non-sludge related questions such as ‘How did the Star Wars character R2D2 get his name?’. Nick somewhat foolishly asked me to provide the answers at the end of the evening and thus I found myself arbitrating between competing tables. In the end I adopted a healthy level of disdain for the whole scoring mechanism and awarded points randomly and generously to anyone who took my fancy. At one stage we had to get a real-life Professor onto the stage to outline the answer to a complex math problem. It was organized chaos, designed I suspect deliberately to confuse the large number of overseas guests. A pub quiz is a quintessentially English past-time.  

Golden Coffee Pots: The week before I was in the Middle East. One of my meetings was with the CEO of the Sharjah Water Authority, Dr Alleem. He is a passionate enthusiast for sustainability and new technology and we quickly found common ground. At the end of the meeting there was a photo-shoot where I shook hands with Dr Alleem and was presented with a superb golden coffee pot. It was explained that this was symbolic and the coffee pot wasn’t mine to take away. However when I got to my taxi it was then given to me a second time by one of the junior members of the Sharjah team. Unsure quite what to do (or how I was going to get it through customs) I took it with thanks. It now sits proudly on my office desk at home. Below is a newspaper article that was published over the weekend. Dr Alleem is the man on the right. Look carefully and you can see the coffee-pot on the table in front of us. Unfortunately I can’t read Arabic. I am sincerely hoping it doesn’t say ‘Do you know this man? He has stolen our golden coffee pot’.  

Alternative to Gambling: Think of Las Vegas and you probably think of gambling…but perhaps not for much longer.  On July 23^rd the Governor of the State of Nevada is visiting London to announce the creation of a new Centre of Excellence for Water. It is a collaboration between the state government, the Las Vegas Water Authority and the Desert Research Institute. They are coming to the UK to form alliances with like-minded institutions and technology companies. The ultimate goal of the CoE is that Las Vegas will be known for its water hub as much as it is for gambling. Isle is helping co-ordinate the London event so if you want to come along then let me know. I promise there will be no quizzes or coffee pots. There might be a hoe down though.

By the way, the answer is Reel 2 Dialogue 2.