No. 66: And you thought your day sucked….

Drinkwell International is a Malawi-based business that drills and maintains boreholes. They provide water to communities in one of the poorest regions of one of the poorest countries in the world. I love this business.

Isle has provided financial support to Drinkwell over the past couple of years. We first learnt about the company through its MD, Jonathan Hunter. Back in the early noughties when he was a fresh graduate (and I still had hair), Jonathan was one of my colleagues at Atkins. Even then his commitment to Malawi was obvious. He would do regular trips.  

He reconnected with me in mid-2012 with a vision for Drinkwell. I thought it was inspired. Brave, risky, daring…but inspired.  I particularly liked the fact that I personally didn’t need to do anything other than provide some start-up capital. I am not a very practical person and my role as an investor rather than a hands-on employee was perfect. I can cause much less mayhem that way.

Over the past couple of years I have watched spellbound as Jonathan, supported by his wife Jennifer, has steadily built the business. Despite all the initial naysayers, they have successfully established themselves in Malawi. They have employed locals, drilled new wells, got paid for their services, built a reputation. The plan was to grow the business to a scale where it could be handed over to local Malawians as a going concern - not dependent upon charity, but a vibrant enterprise!

This summer Jonathan and Jennifer returned home to Scotland. This was partly to see family but mostly (I suspect) to enable Jennifer to have their fourth child (establishing Drinkwell was clearly not keeping them busy enough). Upon returning to Malawi Jonathan has discovered the truly heart-breaking news that his local partner has robbed him. There is clear evidence that he has defrauded the company, taken (and probably given) bribes, used company resources for his own purposes. The more Jonathan digs the more bad news he discovers. This is clearly tragic and grossly unfair.

Do not mistake Jonathan for a soft touch. He is a robust, clear headed, pragmatic man who now has to salvage what he can and rebuild where he can. However the damage caused may be too much. Only time will tell. Jonathan and Jennifer have every right to feel annoyed, angry and abused. They have done what very few people have the guts or the vision to do, and right now it must feel pretty sucky. My heart goes out to them.     

So now I have a tiny favour to ask you: please send Jonathan an email, congratulating him on the fantastic, ground-breaking work he has done and wishing him good luck for the new year (jonathannhunter@gmail.com – yes it does have two ‘n’s in the middle that is not a typo). Imagine how brilliant a Christmas present it would be if he was to open his emails (which he only gets access to once every few weeks) and see well wishes from people he doesn’t even know. He knows about these Notes so you can make reference to them.

There are too few people like Jonathan and Jennifer on this planet and if we can help them feel a little less alone, a little less screwed over, then that, surely, has to be something worthy of the Christmas period.

Best wishes for the holiday season, see you in the New Year.

No. 65: Things to do in Denver when you not DEAD

Denver: big skies, Rocky Mountains, lovely people.

It also has the biggest co-digestion anaerobic digestion facility in the world. I find this abnormally exciting (many years ago, when I actually did real work rather than whatever it is that you call what I do now, anaerobic digestion was what I studied). Attached are some photos. I could write reams, but I won’t. I suspect the following story is more engaging.

On Tuesday night, in LA, I had a meal with an old friend, Jeff Brown, and his family. Jeff is something big and important at Orange County Sanitation District, but we didn’t talk work. Besides being one of the wittiest people I know, Jeff also has one of the nicest families in the world. One of his daughters, Dana, is based in New York, working to become an actor. As you may know from previous Notes, I am somewhat a tart for celebrity connections, so was particularly keen to hear her story. I had not realised the complexities of establishing an acting career. The 5am auditions with 400 people going for each part, the requirement to join ‘the Union’ (which sounds suspiciously Mafioso and protectionist).

From what I can gather Dana’s acting success to date seems to have been mostly as murder victims, or as a murderer, or as a relative to a murderer. Her parents are so proud.

Dana has produced and acted in a short film. It’s really good. I watched it in a jet lagged state in the middle of the night in my Denver hotel. About 7 minutes in there is a surprising twist. Like the 1995 black comedy/cult film ‘Things to do in Denver when you are dead’ it is a bit dark. It’s called Judgement: http://vimeo.com/c317productions/judgement

Remember the name Dana Brown. You heard it first here.

Also remember the big digesters. They are awesome.

No. 64: Just made it....

I made it to the airport tonight with (I thought) just enough time to check in and catch my flight to Denver.  Sadly the shuttle bus from the car rental took 20 min to arrive and then another 25 min to make it through the god-awful LA traffic to the terminal, by which time I had checked the American Airlines website and confirmed my flight wasn't delayed, and that it was the last flight to Denver. I was screwed. 

I resigned myself to a night sleeping on the seats in LAX airport. Mentally I drafted the emails cancelling my morning meetings. I walked into the terminal at 922pm. My flight was at 926pm. 4 minutes. Rats. 

As I walked through the terminal door the notice board flashed up a change. My flight had been delayed until 1045pm. I will make it to Denver tonight after all. 

It is going to be 2am when I land, and my hotel is an hour from the airport. That feels like a problem. It’s one I will worry about in 5 hours.

No. 63: ‘Dude, the returns on this deal are, like, totally awesome man….’

Today I am in Los Angeles, searching for exciting water-related investment opportunities. I liken it to a wild boar hunting for truffles in an oak forest. It goes without saying that I am the boar (bore?) and the deals are the truffles. It is hard work snuffling around in the dirt, sniffing out deals, but the tingle of excitement when one come across something new is simply glorious.

My wild boar has just come across a patch of magic mushrooms.

Following a recent change in legislation it is now legal to smoke, grow and sell of marijuana in the state of Colorado. Apparently, growing marijuana is quite difficult. It requires a complex mix of light, heat, nutrients and (crucially) water. Get the balance wrong and the plants won’t grow. Get it right and the yields increase 10 fold.

This change in legislation has resulted in a flurry of entrepreneurial activity. Forward thinking businessmen are racing to construct massive, industrial scale marijuana farms to serve the new ‘retail weed’ market.  

For some time now I have been keen to identify an agri/water investment opportunity. Something tells me this is not it. I am trying to imagine the looks on the faces of my Investment Committee as I outline the marijuana/water deal.

In my mind’s eye I can’t quite see what they are doing…. Oh yes I can, they are signing my leaving card.

No. 62: Dodging Turkey and Talking Rubbish

This week I have had no less than 6 Christmas celebrations. Venues included two Indians, a Thai, and a fish-only restaurant. Turkey has not yet passed my lips. There was even a breakfast at the top of The Shard, and a meal in the bar where Table Tennis was, apparently, invented.

My company has included American Bankers, British Engineers and French Scientists. Conversation has been appropriately varied:

• Debating why London Underground has to inform passengers to ‘Mind the Gap’(American Bankers). Was it, they asked, that the platform builders simply forgot to talk to the train designers? Or did the train designers obtusely think that it would be fun to design trains that didn’t fit?
  
• Discussing whether saving a document on the cloud is more environmental than printing it (French Scientists); I swear it can’t be, but I am struggling to substantiate this. Just saying it loudly, slowly and firmly is not working.  All arguments to support my case gratefully received. I need to win this one. It’s becoming a matter of national pride.
  
• Reviewing (in horrific detail) the delights of all the lap dancing nightclubs in Hong Kong in the early 1980s (British Engineers). I have never been to a lap dancing club and, having now learnt more about their mysteries, never intend to go. Despite this I can’t help feeling that this would make a brilliant specialist subject on MasterMind (a TV quiz for the non-British). I know just the man to sit in the contestants chair!

My week ended with (this evening) my final leaving ‘do’ from Thames Water. In a bar in Reading I got a chance to say thank-you and goodbye to the 100 or so people who worked in Thames Water Commercial. They have diligently carried me for the past few years; they have made me look far better than I deserved. I will miss them all.

No. 61: I promised myself I wouldn't cry. I failed.

Last Friday we had the Thames Water Executive Christmas meal.  It is always a great event but this year it had a special angle; it was also my leaving do. I went prepared for an emotional rollercoaster. I am not good at goodbyes. I was determined not to cry.

The meal was lovely and after the main course Martin Baggs, the CEO, stood up to give a speech. He started with the traditional giving of gifts to the husbands and wives of the Exec. This always goes down well. Mainly because we each give Janet Burr, our HR Director, £50 and she buys the presents, putting substantially more thought into it than any of us do for our main Christmas presents to our loved ones (I know just how terrible thing that is to admit….but it’s true!)

Having sorted the partners he turned to me. This is it I thought. Brace yourself Piers. This is where it is going to get emotional.

He produced a big red book, with ‘A Book of Your Life’ written across the front. Inside was a panoply of photos, press cuttings, and anecdotes from my former colleagues (there was even a poem!) detailing some of the wonderful moments from my 5 years at Thames. As Martin turned the pages, reading sections and telling amusing (and mostly embarrassing) stories I felt a warm glow. My departure was going to be based on funny stories, not sad goodbyes. I was going to be ok.

Having completed the review of The Book, I got ready to give my response. Before I did it became apparent that there were even more gifts for me. This time they were personal. Each Exec member had taken the time to buy a gift that celebrated a particular event:

·         There was a plastic arm to recall when I vigorously shook the prosthetic arm of a one-armed guest to our offices (that memory still makes me shrink with horror).

·         Or the Snowman Onesie to recall Christmas 2013 when I tricked my Exec colleagues into performing a Pantomime at the Quarterly Business Review (they even sang and danced). The full video can be found here: http://sdrv.ms/1cxwBQI.  Its 22 minutes long but it will make you laugh, cry and cringe all at once I promise.

·         Or the fire extinguisher, to recall when my shirt went up in flames (literally) after I leant too close to a candle while at an overnight event. We were chatting away when suddenly flames were flicking up my back. I briefly became the Human Torch (one of the heroes from the Fantastic Four). Fortunately only my pride was damaged and it heals pretty quickly.

·         One of my gifts even included three pairs of pants. One with ‘I’m kind of a big deal’ sprawled across the groin and two (TWO mind!) with the smiling image of Martin Baggs sprawled across the bottom. I am not going to share the anecdote behind these gifts. Sometimes what happens in an Exec Board stays in the Exec Board.

As we came to the end of the gifts I felt an overwhelming sense of love and warmth. I could not believe the efforts my friends had gone to. I was honoured. I prepared myself for my response.

It was then that Martin stated that there was just one more gift. That this last one was the serious gift. Everything else had just been the warm up. This was the climax.

As he was talking Bob Collington was carefully unwrapping something from a bag across the table. As he lifted it from the bag I realised precisely what it was and my heart leapt into my mouth. I simply could not believe it. Could I really be about to receive something as special as this? I am so not worthy!

There in front of me was a genuine piece of water industry history: I was being given a 6 inch segment of elm-wood water main, dating back to the 1700s (see attached photo). These are the sort of things that you put into museums, not give to idiots like me. It had been excavated from Charlton Street in north west London, near Kings Cross. A quick internet search reveals that in the late 1700s this is where Mary Shelly (author of Frankenstein) was born, its where Charles Dickens lived, its where escapees from the French Revolution hung out! This water main is a part of London’s rich history.  How could I possibly deserve such a gift?

The simple answer is I don’t. But through the generosity of my Thames colleagues I am fortunate enough to be the guardian of this artefact. I will look after it dutifully.  

As you can imagine, with this climax there was no hope of me holding it together. I abandoned my planned amusing and light-hearted thank-you, and instead garbled something tearful and stunned. I am not often speechless - after 5 years my colleagues have finally found a way to shut me up.

My time at Thames Water has been magnificent. I feel deeply honoured to have been part of it. I will miss Thames.  I will miss the activities. I will miss serving London.

But most of all I will miss the people.

No. 60: When Piers met Myleen Klass….

Previous Notes have referred when I almost met Kim Kardashian/Kanye West (no 31) and when I almost met President Obama (no 32). This Note recounts when I actually met Myleen Klass.

For the non British readers I should explain that Myleen was a TV talent show contestant back in 2001. She didn’t win but, such as is the way with these things, she still became famous. Her band (Hear’Say) came second, but they enjoyed a (frighteningly brief) period in the limelight before splitting up in 2003 amid claims of inter-band strife.

I met Myleen in her ‘slump years’, in 2005.

Shortly after this she participated in another TV reality show, this time based in the Australian outback where (to the delight of most males in the country) she showered very publically in a skimpy white bikini. I have no idea why this memory is burned into my brain.

She is now back in the news, mainly because she has become a high profile (and surprisingly informed) ‘peoples critic’ of politicians. She has looks, brains and attitude. From my brief meeting with her, she is also truly lovely.

I was meeting with the former CEO of Southern Water, a chap called Les Dawson. For this story to make sense you have to know that Les Dawson was also the name of a famous British 1970s TV comedian. Anyone born after 1980 (as surely Myleen is) would have no idea who Les Dawson the comedian was, let alone Les Dawson the CEO of Southern Water. 

Anyway, Les and I were meeting in a London hotel lobby. As we chatted I became aware that I had lost his attention, Les' gaze was fixed on someone behind me. I turned and there was the lovely Myleen with a couple of her friends. Before I could say anything Les had leapt into action and pressed his hand into hers and was saying enthusiastically  'My names Les Dawson, it really is. I am Les Dawson! Tell her Piers, tell her I am Les Dawson'.

Despite it being abundantly clear that she had no idea who Les Dawson was I, like a fool, simply nodded dumbstruck and chanted 'Yeah, he's Les Dawson. he's Les Dawson'. She smiled her sweetest celebrity smile, shook our (sweaty, clammy) hands and no doubt chalked us up as two typical middle aged fans (and remember, this was before the bikini! Back then we were a far more select group than must follow her today!)

You may be wondering why 9 years after our encounter I tell this story. Following my last Note about Bactest I happened to see the attached press photo of Prof Annie Brooking (CEO of Bactest) and Myleen at an awards ceremony. It took me down memory lane. (For those of you in doubt, Myleen is the one on the left) 

Annie tells me she has hopes that Myleen will do the formal launch of If she does then I'll certainly be there! 

I wonder if she will remember me.....

(Shepherd: It looks after the floccs! Don’t you just love water industry humour…).

No. 59: Push! Push! Breathe...

I love the birthing of a new technology. That moment when all the sweat, toil, tears and sheer hard work finally come together and the 'product' finally takes it’s first tentative steps. We are about to witness it again.

Bactest, the innovative company that a few years ago brought to the water industry a novel portable respirometer (trust me, it's a big deal) is about to launch a new product. The respirometer is called, rather fantastically, 'Speedy Breedy'. The new product is called is Shepherd. Shepherd provides a way of controlling the aeration in an activated sludge plant (trust me, it's an even bigger deal). Get the aeration right and there are copious energy and hard cash savings to be made. 

Trials are underway and results look good. This Note is because there has been a new twist in the story which might speed the birthing process. Bactest have been talking with the boutique investment/advisory firm Decarbon Capital. Decarbon Capital are in the final stages of arranging for the Shepherd trial to be funded externally with the investment being re-paid through the proven energy savings achieved. This will reduce significantly the risk to the water company. It's hard to see what's not to like about this offering. 

Like all expectant mothers, Professor Annie Brooking, the CEO of Bactest has done all the real hard work. Ashley Daffin from Decarbon Capital, like most 'fathers', has an important part but it is somewhat fleeting compared to the work of the mother. My role? I like to think I am the friend who has driven them to the hospital. When I heard about the new Decarbon Capital/Bactest alliance I sent an email to my former senior colleagues at Thames Water to encourage them to grab this opportunity before it passes them by. 

Push Annie, Push!