Great Balls of Fire:
Istanbul vs Birmingham vs Las Vegas
Last night I attended the UK Water Industry Innovation
Awards in Birmingham. Having been to similar water events in Istanbul and Las
Vegas in recent weeks I was keen to see how it would compare. Would it match
the Istanbul event for edgy entertainment (the terrifying knife throwing incident
still haunts me)? Or would it be similar to the glamorous, if slightly weird,
celebrity-fest of Las Vegas (see Notes 85 and 91).
The awards last night had a circus theme and throughout the
evening there was a parade of various circus acts: contortionists; acrobats;
men-on-stilts; moustachioed men in tight lycra doing strange things (you had to
be there). My favourite was the couple who bedazzled the audience with a
complex and intimate dance routine, entwining their bodies whilst at the same
time juggling with flaming balls of fire. I was sitting near the front and
could feel the heat. They gave the knife throwers of Istanbul a run for their
money.
The compere for the evening, Hal Crottenden, was very
entertaining. Once we got past the fact that no one in the audience recognised
him, despite having a cv that included numerous TV appearances, he really hit
his stride. He delighted the audience with a humour that was both observational
and edgy. Following the flaming balls jugglers he noted the considerable irony
that would have occurred had it gone wrong and the Hilton hotel had burnt to
the ground at an event to celebrate the
water sector. He also had considerable fun with WET News, the main sponsor
for the evening, noting that with its articles on pumping and drainage it
sounded more like a specialist porn magazine than an industry trade journal. I
won’t even mention the fun he had with the Beaver Dyke project in Yorkshire but oh how we laughed.
It was a black tie event. These always strike me as slightly
odd. Water industry personnel generally don’t attend many black tie events.
Thus we dust off our penguin suits once or twice a year, grudgingly put them on
and look at ourselves in the mirror. Most of us look like a badly dressed sack
of potatoes. Most of us lack ritzy glam. This does not apply to the women of
course, who are invariably stunningly chic. There is just never enough of them
to dilute the vibe created by fat blokes in ill-fitting suits. The clientele at
the Las Vegas event were undoubtedly more well-groomed and polished, but this
wasn’t Las Vegas. Make it too refined and it wouldn’t be a true representation
of the UK water sector. We are an earthy bunch.
I was seated between Mr Yim, a senior representative from
the Korean head office of Doosan, and my old friend Avtar Jirh, the MD for
Doosan Enpure. Mr Yim was very serious. Avtar was not. I was therefore torn
between having sensible conversations with Mr Yim about investment
opportunities in the UK water sector, and Avtar’s desire to recount stories
from our long and slightly dubious past, notably the time back in 2001 when we
were in Japan together and I found a used condom under my hotel bed. If only I
had written Notes back then what an entry that would have made.
Finally there were the awards themselves. I was over the
moon to see how many of my friends walked away with awards, be that Paul
Linford of Syrinix winning Engineer of the Year, or Bactest getting a special
commendation for Carbon Reduction, or CNG (as part of the LORImtech/Severn
Trent consortium) winning the overall best innovation award for their
biogas-to-grid project at Minworth. Innovation in the water sector is truly
alive and well. It is worthy of celebration and last night we did just that.
So, in conclusion, Birmingham compares very well to both
Istanbul and Las Vegas. OK, so perhaps it doesn’t have the pizazz of Sin City,
but it has more heart and soul. And perhaps the performances didn’t have that
daring H&S laxness that Istanbul displayed when they invited poor fools
(such as me) to join them on stage so we could risk being publically castrated.
Call me picky, but I see this as a bonus.
