No. 48: Swedish Brides

Today I have been in Sweden. Glorious landscapes and beautiful, intelligent people. Seriously, what is there not to like? Even the whole ‘raw fish for breakfast’ thing is actually kooky and interesting, once you get past the urge to retch.

I have been visiting one of the leading Swedish water contracting companies. Those who know the water sector won’t have to think too hard to identify the company. In fact I suspect it will just be my mum who will be in the dark (yes, she subscribes to these Notes, and yes, she duly told me off for the ‘Bonxbo’ Note a few weeks ago). To help her I will give the company name as a Guardian cross-word clue: 5 letters - Take out the ‘u’ and it’s an anagram of a rather unfortunate English word. (something tells me I am in trouble again).

I have known this company for about 20 years, although the last time I met them was back in 2004. They had just been bought by a new investor for the truly staggering price of 1 Swedish Krona (about 8p or 12cents). It was not a high point in the companies 70+ year history. I recall sitting in the office of the new CEO a couple of months after the deal had completed. I asked him how things were going and he blossomed right before my eyes. He said that it had been like walking up the aisle to meet your bride for the very first time, seeing her in her bridal veil, all her secrets hidden. In intricate detail he described how his excitement grew as he gradually undressed his bride, first removing her veil, then unbuttoning her blouse…. With each item removed he discovered something fresh and glorious about his new lady.

It may have been simply how he told the story but I couldn’t help sharing his excitement. He had landed an undiscovered beauty! It was very touching, if a little creepy (I can’t put my finger on it but something has clearly gone awry when middle aged business men discuss the undressing of fictional brides). I shared the above story today when I met with the new management team. They were not surprised.  ‘Ah, that would have been Hans’ they said, with their friendly Swedish smiles.

Hans is still involved in the company, but I didn’t get to see him. Something tells me they don’t let him out much now. Suffice to say that 10 years on the ‘bride’ has become a bit of a treasure. Investors and trade partners are ‘sniffing’ around her, working out whether they want to get involved or not. Tempting though it is to extend the bridal analogy to a mid-life, late-marriage, wife-swapping crisis I feel I should draw a line before I get in trouble with my mum again.

For the record, I would be happy just to be offered any company for a Krona. I would even accept a bit of ugly. If you come across a Swedish Bride, do please let me know.