Friday, 13 November 2015

No 126: Ironic Mangroves and Unwritten Celebrity Novels

Ironic Mangroves: On Monday evening I met with a senior representative from the Abu Dhabi Environment Agency. The location was particularly special; we overlooked the beautiful Abu Dhabi Mangroves. My host, with infectious passion, shared with me how these were the 'most western mangroves in the world'. Other mangroves can only be found to the east. I decided it would be churlish to point out that if you go far enough west then, eventually, you would find mangroves as that is how globes work. Her point was that the flora before me was rare and needed protection. With the increase in desalination facilities around the Gulf there is a steady, undeniable and potentially unstoppable rise in salinity which puts all local marine life at risk. If the mangroves are to survive then radical change is required. I share my hosts passion.

The irony however is that we were having this discussion on the viewing deck of a 5 star hotel, complete with its own large chlorinated swimming pool and rooms ('executive suites') that make my 5 bedroom home in Epsom look positively Spartan. There is something slightly perverse about building a hotel that offers guests the worlds best power-shower experience, whilst also giving them a view of the environment they pillage in so doing.  If this was a plot line in a movie people would not believe it, it is so incredulous.

Unwritten celebrity novels:  Following my last note various people have shared with me their Michael Palin encounters. He gets around.  The undoubted best anecdote came from Alan Thomson, MD for Abu Dhabi Sewage Services Company (ADSSC). Back in the late nineties Alan worked for the West of Scotland Water Authority. One day a call came in from Michael Palin's agent asking if he could meet with someone who 'understood sewage'. When they met Michael shared that he was considering writing a novel about a man who goes to Spain and overhears a couple of radicals talking about a new controversial sewage works that is being built nearby. This in itself doesn't make for a best seller. One assumes the story would develop with a usual mix of antagonists and heroes (with the water sector personnel as the heroes...obviously). 

Michael and Alan met half a dozen times, which suggests he was either sufficiently impressed with Alan's description of his rock and roll life in sewage, or that was searching but failing to find that elusive character hook. Over the ensuing weeks Alan and Michael developed a friendship which makes his minor involvement in my birthday celebrations even more pathetic than I had feared. Fortunately I am not jealous or bitter. (Suffice to say neither Michael nor Alan will now not be invited to my 47th celebrations. )


As far as we know Mr Palin's sewage novel was never completed. With the exception of the Jack Nicholson's film Chinatown, water doesn't generally get much air-time in novels or films. I once read a David Nobbs story which included a scene where the residents of a fictional North-London village attend a public meeting with their local water company. The character from the water company is clearly based on the real life Bob Collington at Thames Water (fortunately he comes out well). We need more stories that celebrate water. I have an idea for a terrific blockbuster. It involves mangroves, luxury hotel chains and a slightly incompetent but well meaning individual who wants to make a difference...

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