No 97: Great Balls of Fire: Istanbul vs Birmingham vs Las Vegas

Great Balls of Fire: Istanbul vs Birmingham vs Las Vegas

Last night I attended the UK Water Industry Innovation Awards in Birmingham. Having been to similar water events in Istanbul and Las Vegas in recent weeks I was keen to see how it would compare. Would it match the Istanbul event for edgy entertainment (the terrifying knife throwing incident still haunts me)? Or would it be similar to the glamorous, if slightly weird, celebrity-fest of Las Vegas (see Notes 85 and 91).

The awards last night had a circus theme and throughout the evening there was a parade of various circus acts: contortionists; acrobats; men-on-stilts; moustachioed men in tight lycra doing strange things (you had to be there). My favourite was the couple who bedazzled the audience with a complex and intimate dance routine, entwining their bodies whilst at the same time juggling with flaming balls of fire. I was sitting near the front and could feel the heat. They gave the knife throwers of Istanbul a run for their money.

The compere for the evening, Hal Crottenden, was very entertaining. Once we got past the fact that no one in the audience recognised him, despite having a cv that included numerous TV appearances, he really hit his stride. He delighted the audience with a humour that was both observational and edgy. Following the flaming balls jugglers he noted the considerable irony that would have occurred had it gone wrong and the Hilton hotel had burnt to the ground at an event to celebrate the water sector. He also had considerable fun with WET News, the main sponsor for the evening, noting that with its articles on pumping and drainage it sounded more like a specialist porn magazine than an industry trade journal. I won’t even mention the fun he had with the Beaver Dyke project in Yorkshire but oh how we laughed.

   

It was a black tie event. These always strike me as slightly odd. Water industry personnel generally don’t attend many black tie events. Thus we dust off our penguin suits once or twice a year, grudgingly put them on and look at ourselves in the mirror. Most of us look like a badly dressed sack of potatoes. Most of us lack ritzy glam. This does not apply to the women of course, who are invariably stunningly chic. There is just never enough of them to dilute the vibe created by fat blokes in ill-fitting suits. The clientele at the Las Vegas event were undoubtedly more well-groomed and polished, but this wasn’t Las Vegas. Make it too refined and it wouldn’t be a true representation of the UK water sector. We are an earthy bunch.

I was seated between Mr Yim, a senior representative from the Korean head office of Doosan, and my old friend Avtar Jirh, the MD for Doosan Enpure. Mr Yim was very serious. Avtar was not. I was therefore torn between having sensible conversations with Mr Yim about investment opportunities in the UK water sector, and Avtar’s desire to recount stories from our long and slightly dubious past, notably the time back in 2001 when we were in Japan together and I found a used condom under my hotel bed. If only I had written Notes back then what an entry that would have made.

Finally there were the awards themselves. I was over the moon to see how many of my friends walked away with awards, be that Paul Linford of Syrinix winning Engineer of the Year, or Bactest getting a special commendation for Carbon Reduction, or CNG (as part of the LORImtech/Severn Trent consortium) winning the overall best innovation award for their biogas-to-grid project at Minworth. Innovation in the water sector is truly alive and well. It is worthy of celebration and last night we did just that.

So, in conclusion, Birmingham compares very well to both Istanbul and Las Vegas. OK, so perhaps it doesn’t have the pizazz of Sin City, but it has more heart and soul. And perhaps the performances didn’t have that daring H&S laxness that Istanbul displayed when they invited poor fools (such as me) to join them on stage so we could risk being publically castrated. Call me picky, but I see this as a bonus.

Each to his own, but I like Birmingham!