No. 40: Don't be a Bonobo

A year or so ago I wrote a Note in Thames making reference to a new insult I had heard while in Glasgow (thankfully not directed at me personally). I didn't understand it and was delighted to receive many explanations. My favourite was the advice to 'draw a Bell End and use your imagination'. However no matter what I drew I couldn't make it look like my penis. Maybe it's my penis that is a funny shape. Anyway, I have now come across a new insult and I thought I should share.

Apparently Bonobos are very very similar to humans. They are genetically one of our closest relatives. However one doesn't tend to see bonobos in zoos because the males have a habit of touching themselves in a manner that could scare the children, if you get my drift. This trait merely underscores just how close a relative they are to humans. They simply lack the moral compass that tells them such behaviour is wrong. 

So next time you meet someone who's moral code you question feel free to call them a bonobo. They won't understand the insult, but that probably just makes it even sweeter. 

IMPORTANT FOOTNOTE:

Having written the above I decided to add a photo (attached). Reading about them I realised what glorious beings Bonobos are. They are fantastic. According to primatologist Frans de Waal they are capable of ‘altruism, compassion, empathy, kindness, patience, and sensitivity’. To be called a Bonobo would be an honour, not an insult. I apologise for the confusion.